whose turn is it?

i dont get it. is this a game? am i playing this game? what are the rules? what do you get if you win? do i ever get to win? cause all i seem to be doing is losing.

today, i just felt...i don't even know how to explain it. i tried to reach out to someone close to me but instead  of recognising that i tried at all, i got a slap in the face and a 'why didn't you reach out further?' im not sure how to take it. it felt like this friend of mine, wanted me to try and reach out, like it was a test and he was testing me or something. i gotta say straight up, i didnt like it. im not in school anymore, so there's no need to school me and 'test' me on 'how much i will try to reach out'. im not a child. i mean, if im reaching out... obviously that means i care, right?! surely anyone can see that!!

friendships aren't meant to be tested. they are to be treasured and protected. don't push the boundaries, especially if things are already shaky! it makes me feel needy. it makes me feel like, i cant go a day without pathetically needing this friend. we're old enough to have kids of our own....why are we acting like kids ourselves? i may be venting and letting out some steam, but why, honestly why would one do that to a 'friend'? it frustrates the crazies out of me. you're suppose to let your friends know that you're there....not test them and make them feel bad after they pass the stupid test!! Arrghh!! *($#&%*(&!