one second

its funny how things can change so quickly. one minute you could be upset, feeling broken. the next minute you might see a chance of a change, so you leap at it - grab it with both hands. for a split second, you might even let yourself believe that you're going in the right direction. you might let yourself think that you'll be okay, that you could possibly even be happy. but it amazes me how quickly that can change. it amazes me that one person, one question, one phone call, can change things. one split second. from happy to sad. one second. its all it can take.

one second.

that one second was all it took. only then did i realise the magnitude of it all. *sigh* i am so broken.

ive been reading some inspirational Buddha quotes hoping to find something to push me from my 'contemptness' to somewhere further along the happy path. they dont apply anymore. i feel like ive just taken 5 steps back to where i was before. its a long and lonely path. no one can save me.

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.

the only thing is...ive been walking all my life. when will i be saved?